Janey’s July Letter: To New Beginnings

So hello lovely July!  I’m thrilled to see you!  More so than usual in fact,  as after what seems like a lifetime, I’m finally sitting here babysitting my first grandchild… and have her all to myself!

Jane Felstead Grandmother India

I’m almost taken back to the days of my childhood and my dollies.  Rushing back from school and desperate to get them out and look after them – tonight feels a bit the same.

Typically, after giving her tired mummy the runaround all day, she’s now in the deepest sleep and – despite my desire to cuddle her – I’m going to leave her that way!

I may be getting older but my memory’s still good, and after three children I know that the evenings peace should not be shattered by a bit of self-indulgent loving!

Its been a very wonderful few months actually.  After my son’s wedding in late May,  Bill and I took off on our road trip.  I had always wanted to do this,  and it was on our first date I told him that!  (I’ve never been known for being ‘ fast’ – so defiantly wanted to put that on the basket list! ).

The trip was a massive success in every way, and like most other Brits I’m sure, we came back with plans to buy, and spend a bit more time there, dong the nicer things.

We had a pretty tight window really.  Getting the trip in between the wedding and Bink’s giving birth – there were more than a few raised eyebrows from women of my age suggesting I was being irresponsible leaving her at that time,  I was struggling with the guilt and worry myself which is stupid.

Binky would have been perfectly able to give birth without me at her side – but she wanted me around, and what mother could say no to that – even if they wanted to!

I know all about worrying AND  guilt!  How it’s so easy to let it take over.  Guilt once it’s given rein can do untold damage.

It’s like a worm, insinuating itself, and taking over all the fun things – making us feel we ought to be doing things more worthy.   Also easy to say fight it…’its a stupid worry and not to let it take over,’  but again thats pretty hard to do.

So I went to all my real friends and took their advice, but ended up speaking to my eldest daughter.  Her advice was ‘ don’t be so stupid, she’s not going to have her before you get back – so get a grip and go and enjoy yourself!’

Needless to say, I did get back in time and all went splendidly  (despite the fact that  poor Bill did have to plan the whole trip with us staying close to airports! )

Did I let the guilt and worry spoil my trip?  Well, when I remembered it I did, but in the main I had a ball.

My eldest daughters sage advice rang in my ears – although as she’s about to give birth in three weeks – maybe I’ll stay close to home.  I won’t push my luck again  this time – one can only get away with so much!

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